One of the scariest feelings I experience is when I am asked “What should we do?” or “What would you do?” and there is an expectation that I should know what to do … and I don’t.
Do I say “I don’t know” or do I play for time and spout some b*****t and hope my lack of knowledge is not exposed?
Reflecting on this uncomfortable, and oft repeated, experience I am led to some questions:
1. Where does the expectation come from? The person asking, myself or both?
2. Where does the feeling of fear come from? What am I scared of? Who am I scared of?
Pondering these questions I have the fleeting impression that my fear comes from me. I am afraid of disappointing myself. It is me that I am scared of.
Then the impression is replaced by a conscious process of looking for evidence that proves that it can’t be me – it must be someone else making me feel scared – and to feel better I have to shift the blame from myself.
Oooooo … that’s a bit of an “Eureka” moment!
And now I have a new option. Choose to behave like of a victim of myself and shift the blame; or choose to address the problem – my deep fear of part of myself.
Phew! I feel better already – I have a new opportunity to explore …