{"id":3750,"date":"2014-09-13T10:17:32","date_gmt":"2014-09-13T10:17:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.saasoft.com\/blog\/?p=3750"},"modified":"2014-09-13T10:17:32","modified_gmt":"2014-09-13T10:17:32","slug":"actions-speak","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/?p=3750","title":{"rendered":"Actions Speak"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"media_video_icon_anim_150_wht_14142\"<\/a>In a recent blog we explored the subject of learning styles and how a balance of complementary learning styles is needed to get the wheel-of-change turning.<\/p>\n

Experience shows that many of us show a relative weakness in the ‘Activist’ quadrant of the cycle.<\/p>\n

That implies we are less comfortable with learning-by-doing. Experimenting.<\/p>\n

This behaviour is driven by a learned fear.\u00a0 The fear-of-failure.<\/p>\n

So when did we learn this fear?<\/em><\/p>\n

Typically it is learned during childhood and is reinforced throughout adulthood.<\/p>\n

The fear comes not from the failure though\u00a0 … it comes from the emotional reaction of others to our supposed failure. The emotional backlash of significant others. Parents and parent-like figures such as school teachers.<\/p>\n

Children are naturally curious and experimental and fearless.\u00a0 That is how they learn. They make lots of mistakes – but they learn from them. Walking, talking, tying a shoelace, and so on.\u00a0 Small mistakes do not created fear. We learn fear from others.<\/p>\n

Full-of-fear others.<\/p>\n

To an adult who has learned how to do many things it becomes easy to be impatient with the trial-and-error approach of a child … and typically we react in three ways:<\/p>\n

1) We say “Don’t do that<\/strong>” when we see our child attempt something in a way we believe will not work or we believe could cause an accident. We teach them our fears.<\/p>\n

2) We say “No<\/strong>” when we disagree with an idea or an answer that a child has offered. We discount them by discounting their ideas.<\/p>\n

3) We say “I’ll do it”<\/strong> when we see a child try and fail. We discount their ability to learn how to solve problems and we discount our ability to let them.<\/p>\n

Our emotional reaction is negative<\/em> in all three cases and that is what teaches our child the fear of failure.<\/p>\n

So they stop trying as hard.<\/p>\n

And bit-by-bit they lose their curiosity and their courage.<\/p>\n

We have now put them on the path to scepticism and cynicism.\u00a0 Which is how we were taught.<\/p>\n

\n

This fear-of-failure brainwashing continues at school.<\/p>\n

But now it is more than just fear of disappointing our parents; now it is fear of failing tests and exams … fear of the negative emotional backlash from peers, teachers and<\/strong> parents.<\/p>\n

Some give up: they flee.\u00a0 Others become competitive: they fight.<\/p>\n

Neither strategies dissolve the source of the fear though … they just exacerbate it.<\/p>\n

\n

So it is rather too common to see very accomplished people paralysed with fear when circumstances dictate that they need to change in some way … to learn a new skill for example … to self-improve maybe.<\/p>\n

Their deeply ingrained fear-of-failure surfaces and takes over control – and the fright\/flight\/fight behaviour is manifest.<\/p>\n

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So to get to the elusive win-win-win outcomes we want we have to weaken the fear-of-failure reflex … we need to develop a new habit … learning-by-doing.<\/p>\n

The trick to this is to focus on things that fall 100% inside our circle of control … the Niggles that rank highest on our Niggle-o-Gram\u00ae.<\/p>\n

And when we Study the top niggle; and then Plan the change; and then Do what we planned, and then Study effect of our action … then we learn-by-doing.<\/p>\n

But not just by doing …. by Studying, Planning, Doing and Studying again.<\/p>\n

Actions Speak not just to us but to everyone else too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In a recent blog we explored the subject of learning styles and how a balance of complementary learning styles is needed to get the wheel-of-change turning. Experience shows that many of us show a relative weakness in the ‘Activist’ quadrant of the cycle. That implies we are less comfortable with learning-by-doing. Experimenting. This behaviour is … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Actions Speak”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,28,29,35,42,44],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3750","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-4n-chart","category-metaphors","category-niggle-o-gram","category-reflections","category-how","category-three-wins-r"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3750","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3750"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3750\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3750"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3750"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3750"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}