{"id":350,"date":"2010-07-11T07:17:01","date_gmt":"2010-07-11T07:17:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.saasoft.com\/blog\/?p=350"},"modified":"2010-07-11T07:17:01","modified_gmt":"2010-07-11T07:17:01","slug":"are-we-stuck-in-a-toxic-emotional-waste-swamp","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/?p=350","title":{"rendered":"Are we Stuck in a Toxic Emotional Waste Swamp?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Have you ever had the uncomfortable experience of joining a new group of people and discovering\u00a0that your\u00a0usual modus operandi<\/em> does not seem to fit?\u00a0 Have you ever experienced\u00a0the pain of a behavioural\u00a0expectation mismatch – a clash of culture?\u00a0What do\u00a0we do when that happens?\u00a0Do\u00a0we keep quiet, listen and try to work out the\u00a0expected behaviours\u00a0by observing others and then mimic their behaviour to fit in? Do\u00a0we hold our ground,\u00a0stay true to our norms and habits and challenge the group?\u00a0Do we just shrug,\u00a0leave and not return?<\/p>\n

The other side of this common experience is the\u00a0effect on the group of a person who does not\u00a0match the\u00a0behavioural norms of the group.\u00a0 Are\u00a0they regarded as a threat or an opportunity? Usually a threat. But a threat to whom? It depends.\u00a0And it primarily depends on the\u00a0emotional state of\u00a0the chief,\u00a0chair or boss of the group – the person who holds the social power. We are social animals and we have evolved over millions of years to be hard-wired to tune in to the emotional state of the pack leader – because it is a proven survival strategy!<\/p>\n

If the chief is in a negative emotional state then the group will be too and\u00a0a newcomer\u00a0expressing a positive emotional outlook will create an emotional\u00a0tension.\u00a0People\u00a0prefer leaders who\u00a0broadcast\u00a0a positive\u00a0emotional state because it makes them feel happier; and leaders\u00a0are attracted by power – so in this situation the chief will perceive\u00a0a challenge\u00a0to the\u00a0balance of power and\u00a0will react by\u00a0putting\u00a0the happy newcomer firmly in their place in the pecking order. The group observe the mauling and learn that a positive emotional attitude is an unsuccessful strategy to gain favour with the chief\u00a0– and so the status quo is maintained. The toxic emotional waste swamp gets a bit deeper,\u00a0the sides get a bit more slippery, and\u00a0the emotional crocodiles\u00a0who lurk in the murk get a tasty snack. Yum yum – that’ll teach you to be happy around here!<\/p>\n

If\u00a0the chief has a uniformly\u00a0positive emotional approach\u00a0then the group will echo that and a newcomer expressing a negative emotional state creates a different tension. The whole group\u00a0makes it clear that this negative behaviour is unwelcome – they don’t want someone spoiling their cosy emotional oasis! And the status quo is maintained again.\u00a0Unfortunately, the only difference between this and the previous example is that this only-happy-people-allowed-here\u00a0group is drowning in emotional treacle rather than emotional turds. It is still an emotional swamp and the outcome is the same – you get stuck in it.<\/p>\n

This either-or model is not a successful long-term strategy because it does not\u00a0foster learning – it maintains\u00a0the status quo – tough-minded or touch-feely – pessimistic or optimistic – but not realistic.<\/p>\n

Effective learning only happens when the status quo is challenged in a way that\u00a0respects<\/strong> both the power and authority of the\u00a0chief and of the group – and the safest\u00a0way to do that\u00a0is to\u00a0turn to\u00a0reality for\u00a0feedback and\u00a0to provide the challenge to the group.\u00a0 To do this in practice requires a combination of confidence and humility by both the chief and the group: the confidence to reject complacency and to face up to reality and the humility to employ\u00a0what\u00a0is discovered to keep moving on, to keep learning, to keep improving.<\/p>\n

Reality will provide both positive and negative feedback (“Nuggets” and “Niggles”) and the future will hold both positive and negative challenges (“Nice-Ifs” and “Noo-Noos”).\u00a0 Effective leaders know this and are able to maintain the creative tension. For those of us who are learning to be more effective leaders\u00a0perhaps the routes out of our\u00a0Toxic Emotional Waste Swamps are drawn on our 4N charts?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Have you ever had the uncomfortable experience of joining a new group of people and discovering\u00a0that your\u00a0usual modus operandi does not seem to fit?\u00a0 Have you ever experienced\u00a0the pain of a behavioural\u00a0expectation mismatch – a clash of culture?\u00a0What do\u00a0we do when that happens?\u00a0Do\u00a0we keep quiet, listen and try to work out the\u00a0expected behaviours\u00a0by observing others … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Are we Stuck in a Toxic Emotional Waste Swamp?”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,34,35,43,45,47],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-350","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-examples","category-questions","category-reflections","category-why","category-what","category-transactional-analysis"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/350","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=350"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/350\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=350"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=350"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=350"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}