{"id":2439,"date":"2012-12-13T23:29:53","date_gmt":"2012-12-13T23:29:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.saasoft.com\/blog\/?p=2439"},"modified":"2024-09-07T06:27:56","modified_gmt":"2024-09-07T06:27:56","slug":"trust-eroding-behaviour","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/?p=2439","title":{"rendered":"Defusing Trust Eroders – Part I"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"texting_a_friend_back_n_forth_150_wht_5352\"<\/a><Beep><Beep><\/p>\n

Bob heard the beep and looked at his phone. There was a text message from Leslie, one of his Improvementology coachees.<\/p>\n

It said:<\/p>\n

“Hi Bob, Do you have time to help me with a behaviour barrier that I keep hitting and cannot see a way around?”<\/p>\n

Bob\u00a0thumbed his reply:<\/p>\n

“Yes. I am free at the moment – please feel free to call.”<\/p>\n

<Ring><Ring><\/p>\n

B: Hello Leslie. What’s on your mind?<\/p>\n

L: Hi Bob.\u00a0\u00a0I really hope \u00a0you can help me with this recurring Niggle.\u00a0 I have looked through my Foundation notes and I cannot see where it is described and it does not seem to be a Nerve Curve problem.<\/p>\n

B: I will do my best. Can you outline the context or give me an example?<\/p>\n

L: It is easier to give you an example.\u00a0 This week I was working with a team in my organisation who approached me to help them with recurring niggles in their process.\u00a0 I went to see for myself and I mapped their process and identified where their Niggles were and what was driving them.\u00a0 That was the easy bit.\u00a0 But when I started to make suggestions of what they could do to resolve their problems they started to give me<\/strong> a hard time and kept saying ‘Yes, but …”.\u00a0 It was as if they were asking for help but did not really want it.\u00a0 They kept emphasising that all their problems were caused by other people outside their department and kept asking me what I could do about it.\u00a0 I felt as if they were pushing the problem onto me and I was also feeling guilty for not being able to sort it out for them.<\/p>\n

There was a pause. Then Bob said.<\/p>\n

B: You are correct Leslie.\u00a0 This is not a Nerve Curve issue.\u00a0\u00a0 It is a different people-related system issue.\u00a0 It is ubiquitous and it is a potentially deadly organisational disease.\u00a0 We call it Trust Eroding Behaviour<\/em>.<\/p>\n

L: That sounds exactly how it felt for me.\u00a0 I went to help in good faith and quickly started to feel distrustful of their motives.\u00a0 It was not a good feeling and I do not know if I want to go back.\u00a0 One part of me says “Keep going – you have made a commitment” and another part of me says “Stop – you are being suckered”.\u00a0 What is happening?<\/p>\n

B: Do you remember that the Improvement Science framework has three parts – Processes, People and Systems?<\/p>\n

L: Yes.<\/p>\n

B: OK.\u00a0 This is part of the People component and it is similar to but different from the Nerve Curve.\u00a0\u00a0 The Nerve Curve is a hard-wired emotional response to any change.\u00a0 The Fright, Freeze, Fight, Flight response.\u00a0 It is just the way we are and it is not ‘correctable’.\u00a0 This is different.\u00a0 This is a learned behaviour.\u00a0\u00a0 Which means it can be unlearned.<\/p>\n

L: Unlearned?\u00a0 That is not a concept that I am familiar with.\u00a0 Can you explain?\u00a0 Is it the same as forgetting?<\/p>\n

B: Forgetting means that you cannot bring something to conscious awareness.\u00a0\u00a0 Unlearning is different – it operates at a deeper psychological and emotional level.\u00a0 Have you ever tried to change a bad habit?<\/p>\n

L: Yes, I have!\u00a0 I used to smoke which is definitely a bad habit and I managed to give up but it was really tough.<\/p>\n

B: What you did was to unlearn the smoking habit and replaced it with a healthier one.\u00a0\u00a0You did not forget about smoking.\u00a0\u00a0You could not because you are repeatedly reminded by other people who still indulge in the habit.<\/p>\n

L:\u00a0 Ah ha! I see what you mean.\u00a0 Yes – after I kicked the habit I became a bit of a Stop-Smoking evangelist.\u00a0 It did not seem to make much impact on the still-smokers though.\u00a0\u00a0If anything my behaviour seemed to make them more determined to keep doing it – just to spite me!<\/p>\n

B: Yes.\u00a0 What you describe is what many people report.\u00a0 It is part if the same learned behaviour patterns.\u00a0 The habit that is causing the issue is rather like smoking because it causes short-term pleasure and long-term pain.\u00a0 It is both attractive and destructive.\u00a0 The reactive behaviour generates a positive feeling briefly but it is toxic to trust over the longer term, which is why we call it a Trust Eroding Behaviour.<\/p>\n

L: What is the bad habit? I do not recognise the behaviour that you are referring to.<\/p>\n

B: The habit is called discounting<\/em>.\u00a0 The reason we are not aware of it is because we do it unconsciously.<\/p>\n

L: What is it that we do?<\/p>\n

B: I will give you some examples.\u00a0 How do you feel when all the feedback you get is silence? How do you feel when someone complains that their mistake was not their fault? How do you feel when you try to help but you hit invisible barriers that block your progess?<\/p>\n

\"sad_face\"<\/a>L: Ouch!\u00a0 Those are uncomfortable questions. When I get no feedback I feel anxious and even fearful that I have made a mistake,\u00a0\u00a0and no one is telling me.\u00a0 There is a conspiracy of silence and a nasty surprise is on its way.\u00a0 When someone keeps complaining that even though they made the mistake they are not to blame I feel angry.\u00a0 When I try to help others and I fail to then I feel anxious and sad because my reputation, credibility and self-confidence is damaged.<\/p>\n

B: OK. No need to panic. These negative emotional reactions are the normal reaction to discounting behaviour.\u00a0 Another word for discounting is disrespect<\/strong>.\u00a0 The three primary emotions we feel are sadness, anger and fear.\u00a0 Fear is the sense of impending loss; anger is the sense of present loss; and sadness is the sense of past loss.\u00a0 They are the same emotions that we feel on the Nerve Curve.\u00a0\u00a0What is different is the cause.\u00a0 Discounting is a disrepectful behaviour that is learned.\u00a0 So, it can be unlearned.<\/p>\n

L: Oooo!\u00a0 That really<\/strong> resonates with me.\u00a0 Just reflecting on one day at work I can think of lots of examples of all of those negative feelings.\u00a0 So, when and how do we learn this discounting habit?<\/p>\n

B: It is believed that we learn this behaviour when we are very young – before the age of seven.\u00a0\u00a0And because we learn it so young we internalise it and we become unaware of it. \u00a0It then becomes a habit that is reinforced with years of experience and practice.<\/p>\n

L: Wow!\u00a0 That rings true for me – and it may explain why I actively avoided some people at school – they were just toxic.\u00a0 But they had friends, went to college, got jobs, married and started families – just like me.\u00a0 Does that mean we grow out of it?<\/p>\n

B: Most people unlearn some of these behavioural habits because life-experience teaches them that they are counter-productive.\u00a0 We all carry some of them though, and they tend to emerge when we are tired and under pressure.\u00a0 Some people get sort of stuck and carry these behaviours into their adult life.\u00a0 Their behaviour can be toxic to their relationships and their organisations.<\/p>\n

L: I definitely resonate with that statement!\u00a0 Is there a way to unlearn this discounting habit?<\/p>\n

B: Yes – just becoming aware of its existence is the first step.\u00a0 There are some strategies that we can learn, practice and use to defuse the discounting behaviour and over time our bad habit can be “kicked”.<\/p>\n

L: Wow! That sounds really useful.\u00a0\u00a0And not just at work – I can see benefits in other areas of my life too.<\/p>\n

B: Yes. Improvement science is powerful medicine.<\/p>\n

L: So what do I need to do?<\/p>\n

B: You have learned the 6M Design framework for resolving process niggles. There is an equivalent one for dissolving people niggles.\u00a0 I will send you some links to material to read and then we can talk again.<\/p>\n

L: Will it help me resolve the problem that I have with the department that asked for my help who are behaving like Victims?<\/p>\n

B: Yes.<\/p>\n

L: OK – please send me the material.\u00a0 I promise to read it, reflect on it and I will arrange another conversation.\u00a0 I cannot wait to learn how to nail this niggle!\u00a0 I can see a huge win-win-win opportunity here.<\/p>\n

B: OK.\u00a0 The email is on its way.\u00a0 I look forward to our next conversation.<\/p>\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

<Beep><Beep> Bob heard the beep and looked at his phone. There was a text message from Leslie, one of his Improvementology coachees. It said: “Hi Bob, Do you have time to help me with a behaviour barrier that I keep hitting and cannot see a way around?” Bob\u00a0thumbed his reply: “Yes. I am free at … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Defusing Trust Eroders – Part I”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,24,33,41,42,43,45,46,48,49],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2439","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-6m-design","category-improvementology","category-quality","category-stories","category-how","category-why","category-what","category-teach","category-trust","category-victimosis"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2439","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2439"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2439\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6322,"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2439\/revisions\/6322"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2439"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2439"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hcse.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2439"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}